Brooks, the cowardly dog

Brooks in 2008, just after he was adopted from the humane society.

I’d like to introduce my roommate’s dog, Brooks (right). He’s a lab-shepherd rescue mutt who was born sometime in the spring of 2008. Brooks is adorable, well-behaved, decently well-trained, dumb as a stump, and absolutely terrified of almost everything. The following is a list of things, with the most recent additions at the top, that Brooks fears. I’ll update this list as new fears surface (which, I’ll be honest, is pretty frequent thing). Enjoy!

  • Greg Gumbel
  • Box fans
  • Jehovah’s Witnesses (This might be because they were black. See below.)
  • iPads
  • iPhones
  • Brian Williams
  • The TV (but only while on)
  • Teakettles (even when cold and empty)
  • Fly swatters (but not because he was hit with one)
  • Pam
  • Expanded polystyrene foam
  • Flags
  • The Dougie
  • Ironing boards
  • Vacuum cleaners
  • Brooms
  • Swiffer mops
  • Guitars
  • People in hats
  • Our friend Ben
  • Black people (Yes, the dog is racist. His owner and I are not.)
  • Cockroaches
  • Water
  • Bathtubs (with or without water)
  • Thunder
  • Rain (but not snow)
  • Lightning
  • Lawn mowers
  • String trimmers
  • Ab rollers
  • Mice (except dead ones)
  • The grill
  • Fire
  • Matches
  • The dryer
  • The washer
  • The garage door
  • Piano benches (Ask me about this story over drinks.)
  • Episodes of “Dog Whisperer
  • Lizards
  • The attic staircase
  • Shovels
  • Rakes

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